Things That Horrify Newlyweds (Supposedly)

  Jess & Mr. TThe other day I was reading or browsing or something through Facebook when I stumbled on this article over here.

Of course the title totally caught my eye. You know, being a newlywed and all. I wanted to know all the really cool things that married couples do that I, as a newlywed, do not do with my spouse. All of the things that make me so incredibly different than a couple that's been married for a long time. All of the things that horrify newlyweds. Enlighten me interwebs.

Sidenote: I don't argue for one second that newlyweds are different than married couples. Really. I just don't think it's for reasons that a lot of people tell you and I don't really even think we should compare. That's like comparing an engaged couple to a couple that just made things exclusive. It's apples and oranges. Or really apples and nachos because apples and oranges are too similar to illustrate that whole point.

So I clicked. And here's what I found.

Eat in front of the TV. Wait. Mr. T and I do that all the time (more than we should and we actually feel guilty about it).

Fart in bed. Pretty sure Mr. T and I did that before we were even engaged. 

Let it all hang out. Actually, most of that stopped when we moved in together. Ya just can't hide when you live together. Trust me. I know how annoyingly loud he is when he crunches on chips. It doesn't take years of marriage to figure that out. I can actually hear him sipping on his juice out in the living room at this very moment.

Make a chore chart. Ok. You got me on this one. Four things in and finally there is one we don't do. Of course it should be noted that Mr. T would most definitely rip up a chore chart and throw it in my face. As he rightfully should.

Pop each other's zits. You probably have us here too. We don't do that. However, I don't think it's gross and I'm not ruling it out. We've just never asked each other and enjoy popping our own.

Publicly groomed yourself. Now we're back in business guys. I actually just clipped my toenails in front of him on Saturday. I totally said he might not want to look and that I was sorry and stuff though.

Schedule sex. Wait. That's not something that's genius? Really? I mean, we've tried not to, but then we realized it makes sense to sometimes.

Sit for hours in silence. Every. Damn. Day. Really. We did it for a few hours last night. That Saul has one interesting show. And I'm really hoping to do it some tonight because I'm making rank in my cooking game. I really want to buy that seafood restaurant.

Talk about your bodily functions. Again. Every. Damn. Day. I swear I don't think there is a time where we don't mention poop or farts or something. (We're so gross)

Talk through the bathroom door. Not only do we talk through the bathroom door, but I sometimes pass him notes under the bathroom door. Why is it weird to talk through the bathroom door?

Not only those things, but here are a list of other really gross things I've/we've done:

I've licked his plate. Man those Brussels sprouts were so good.

Accidentally used his toothbrush. But only for a minute. It didn't gross me out as much as it should. I was more afraid he would find out.

Used his towel. That's maybe not that gross.

Gone to the bathroom with the door open. Not only did we have to do this in London, but we do this all the time at home.

So I'm not really seeing how these things are supposed to horrify newlyweds. Pretty sure that's a super strong word.

Honestly, every couple is different. For every person reading this thinking hell yeah, I bet there are 10 more who are thinking no way. And I honestly believe I would have thought differently when I was single. In fact, I once wrote a post about how I was afraid about doing most of these things and having a dude see me do some of these things. A lot of things seem crazy or whatever until you're actually there.

I think that little puppy dog thing set sail a long time ago with Mr. T and I. That's not a bad thing. I love (I mean absolutely adore with ever bit of my being) the way we are. I love that we are so comfortable with each other. It makes our home feel like home. He feels like home to me and I wouldn't want it any other way. I think that's how it should be. I mean, not every couple has to do all of the things on this list, but I feel like it would be stressful to worry and be afraid to do some of these things.

So tell me, are Mr. T and I gross weirdos? What things do you do in front of your significant other? What things cross the line?