The Impatient, Controlling Perfectionist


Allow me to rant.

I'm an impatient, controlling perfectionist. Always have been. Probably always will be. It's something that I consider both a strength and a weakness.

I love it because it makes me good at things. It helps assure that I get shit done when it needs to be done. It keeps me on track, helps me plan, and stay organized. But, I hate it because it makes me stress and feel like I'm in a constant frenzy. I end up spending far too much time worrying about things I shouldn't.

Side note: Being a perfectionist used to make blogging difficult for me because I would over edit. As a result, I would end up with a post that had no feeling, no sass, and didn't really even say what I set out to say. It just looked pretty. There's so much more feeling when you just let the words flow.

Anyway, in all the merging of my life with Mr. T, I've learned that this perfectionist crap has no place in a relationship. At all.

All too often I find myself picking things apart because they aren't perfect. Or because it's not happening fast enough I pick at him. I pick at myself. I pick at us. I'm doing what I've always done to myself -- putting on the pressure, then picking myself apart and feeling like a failure when things don't go according to plan.

I always thought that this was because I was trying to figure things out in our relationship and that once the transition phase passed everything would be fine. But I realized the other day, it's actually the impatient, controlling perfectionist in me. I'm trying to control everything. I'm trying to make everything perfect. And I don't mean  that blissful, kissy face, I love you so much perfect. I mean literally perfect.

And that's impossible. Relationships aren't perfect. People aren't perfect. That's not what life's about.

I don't really know the exact definition of perfect, but, honestly, I'd describe what Mr. T and I have as genuine perfection. It really is. Mr. T is a wonderful man. He's one of the most amazing men I know. He's kind. He's good to me. He accepts me for me and loves me for me. I adore him and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm also so excited for our future. I'm wanting and planning things I never thought I would (more on that later). I'd go on, but I don't want to make myself and all of my readers vomit.

Right now, Mr. T and I are in that transitioning phase. We're learning how to mesh everything together. We're learning how to live and operate our lives together. Of course, there will be some missteps along the way. And, of course, some of that leads to fights. But all of that just helps us to figure everything out and it's perfectly normal.

While it's true that the slipups are things that aren't working right, it doesn't mean they're failures. They're just things that need to be reworked a little bit. They just need to be fixed. And sometimes I can't fix those things immediately. Sometimes it just needs a few more tries or just a little more time.

And none of that makes my relationship with Mr. T less than perfect.

The impatient, controlling perfectionist part of me has her place. But she needs to know that place. If there's a spreadsheet or calendar or to-do list involved she can stand up and take charge. Otherwise, she just needs to sit quietly and patiently wait her turn.

(And for my tips on how perfectionism could be ruining your dating life, check out my article over on We Love Dates)