Relationships Aren't Easy


So, it’s officially been a year for Mr. T and me. I still kind of can’t believe it’s been a whole year. This year has been awesome. We’ve had a lot of ups, but, like most human relationships, we’ve had some downs too. I’ve learned that relationships aren’t easy. They take a lot of work and sometimes that work is hard. And, honestly, I’m not afraid to admit that. Anyone who says that a relationship isn’t hard is either a) lying or b) not in the kind of relationship they truly care about.

Now, before you get all crazy on me let me explain. I don’t mean it’s hard to know you want to be with the person; that should be an easy decision. I also don’t mean it’s hard to be faithful. Unless you’re in an open relationship, you should be able to tell someone “thanks, but no thanks because I’m taken”. It’s also not hard in the stomp your feet spoiled brat kind of way. And, no, I didn’t really think they’d be easy.

It’s just that, once you get out of the initial dating stage, there are all these changes that start to happen.

When you were dating, you probably went out or were all kinds of cute and romantic every time you saw each other. But when you start to see each other every day (and in a more every day kind of way) things are just different.

You’re more domestic. Date night sometimes consists of sitting and watching TV instead of going out. You’re cooking meals and going to the grocery store. You might have done all of these things when you were dating, but it’s different once it’s more in a domestic way.  Things become practical and more about need rather than being special and romantical.

You stop being all gussied up every time you see each other. I am pretty sure Mr. T has seen me in leggings with no makeup more times than he ever thought he would. It’s not that I have “let myself go” or anything; I still get all pretty when we go out. It’s just I work from home and on a random Tuesday that’s how I usually look when I don’t have anything planned.

You also have all these little random things about each other that you never noticed before. Stupid little things will get on your nerves simply because you’ll both do things differently. And it’s not a matter of being selfish in anyway at all. It’s just what happens when you’ve been single for 30+ years. You have a certain way of doing things. You have a certain way of being. I never knew there was a different way to put pizza rolls on a pan because I never really thought about it until I saw someone do it differently.

You start to notice little habits about them that you never noticed before. Or maybe you did notice them, but you weren’t together as much so you didn’t pick up on it or they did it when you weren’t around. And all the things you thought were so cute about the person are things you find the most annoying.

It’s a little scary and frustrating. Sometimes you want to scream and pull your hair out. But the one thing that keeps you sane is the fact that you know you love this person and want to be with them (and being with them means figuring all this shit out). And that’s the important thing. As long as you have that feeling you’re doing OK and you’ll both work through it.

You can’t expect that there will never be pieces of your relationship that you have to work on. Being compatible or perfect for each other doesn’t mean that everything just naturally falls into place. Don’t get me wrong here -- being with them should feel natural and like it’s right, but you’re going to have to work out some kinks every once in a while.

My best pieces of advice would be:

Communicate. Work it out together.

Keep dating each other and keep the fun alive (I will elaborate more on this later).

Don’t stress out. These aren’t real issues. This is just the adjustment period and you’ll probably have a bunch of them throughout your life together.