On Living Together: Mr. T Moves In

attachment-527cee39e4b07eec8fb9db1e The other night, as we were going to bed, Mr. T said to me “you know what the best part of living together is? The fact that every night feels like a slumber party.”

It was seriously one of the cutest things that he’s ever said and I don’t know why, but I think the way he said it just let me know how excited he is to live together and I really liked hearing that. I know that might sound crazy because I know he’s excited to live with me, but nothing about this move went the way we planned. And, like a lot of things we’ve experienced, this was a new stage in our relationship (it’s also something new for both of us).

So, Mr. T and I live together. We have a home and it’s really the start of our life together.

It’s pretty awesome. We’ve redecorated and made it a place that we both really love and feel cozy in. I love when he comes home from work and the fact that we can leave to go meet friends together. I love that we’re starting to make our own traditions. We're planning to make dinners, breakfasts, and are even hosting Thanksgiving. We’re also making plans for a Christmas tree (that will be my first in New York). Actually, it’s really the first time that I feel like I have a home in New York. It’s way different living with your significant other than it is living with roommates. It’s nice and I am happy.

But I would be lying if I said it didn’t present its challenges too.

  • Mr. T moved into my apartment. We decided it was just a smarter idea rather than getting a new place together. So that meant we had to work a little harder to make it feel like his place too. I think we did a pretty good job and you can read my tips about that over on We Love Dates.
  • Mr. T and I are way different about this kind of stuff. I am artsy. The creative one. The decorator. I’m worried about art work and throw pillows and what bedside tables match our room the best. And I'm good at putting all of it together. Mr. T is not (and that’s not a bad thing). So there may have been a few times when I was a little touchy and thought he wasn't all that interested in putting our home together.
  • I take on way too much and I’m horrible at asking for help. It’s really good that I’m independent and can do things on my own, but it also causes a lot of unnecessary stress. I tend to feel overwhelmed and last weekend I ended up injuring myself. Mr. T is always willing to help me, but instead of asking him, I tend to expect him to intervene (and practically push me out of the way). That’s not fair at all so I need to find a better way of balancing my independence with the need to ask for help.
  • Moving is stressful in general. Our apartment looked like a tornado hit it for days. We were balancing so many things -- his stuff, my stuff, the new stuff we were buying (I guess that would be our stuff), our work schedules, etc. At the end of the week I had reached that point where I was tired of looking at piles of things to put away and so over not being able to find anything that I lost it and flipped out over a hot dog. Looking back, I probably should have made time for some relaxation. But at least I can laugh about it and Mr. T and I are making memories.
  • We’ve also had to find a way to get organized – both with our things and also how everything will work around the apartment. I thought we were on our way to being domestic before, but now we are full speed and there is no looking back. There’s cooking and cleaning and all sorts of other things. It also means blending our everyday lives together. Sometimes I like to get up in the morning and write, but that’s never really something I did. But now I am sitting here on the couch writing this post while Mr. T is still sleeping.

I think the most important thing to keep in mind when moving in together is that there will be changes (in your life, relationship, and home) and it will present challenges. Living together is different from dating. You have to establish new boundaries and find a new balance. You'll probably argue a lot more than usual and it will be over really stupid stuff. But as long as you’re working together and communicating you’ll be fine.