On Friendships

1300094_10119213 Lately I’ve been thinking about all of the changes in my life. It’s weird to me. How one thing can happen and change pretty much everything about your life. As I’ve said before, change is scary. And I think sometimes because it scary we think it’s bad or we shouldn’t do it.

I was thinking about all of this the other day and it made me think about friendships. No matter what I thought, friendships change when you’re getting married.

Once upon a time I would have asked my friends to do everything. And my friends would have been the first I would run to if I need advice. If I wanted to shop, take a trip, go see a play, or check out a new restaurant. Whatever it was, I would have called up one of my pals (or maybe even a few of them) and we would have planned a day to do whatever it is I wanted to do. We would have talked it out on the phone or met for drinks or something.

But now that I’m engaged things are different. Now, Mr. T is the first person I go to. If I’m dealing with an issue or feeling upset, I go to him. We’re the ones checking out new bars in my neighborhood (and also making a feature out of it). We make Target runs on the weekend and occasionally go to DSW to spend our $10 coupons. If I have a 3-day weekend we make plans together. We plan what we’re doing for my birthday. And so on.

 At first it was really hard for me. I felt like somehow I was betraying my friends or that I was being a bad friend. My friendships are genuinely important to me and I don’t ever want my friends to feel like they don’t matter or like Mr. T matters more. I’ve been the friend on the other side of things. I know how it feels to be tossed aside the second that a guy comes along. 

But what I realized is that this is totally different. I didn’t just meet some guy and then suddenly only have time for dates with him. I don’t have a new boyfriend so suddenly my life revolves around him. Mr. T is my fiancé and he is my life. Our life together is my life. This is normal. This is what it’s like to be engaged (and eventually married).

It’s not like I won’t do those things with my friends or anything. It’s also not that I won’t ever do those things with my friends. And, I mean, it’s not like Mr. T and I never invite our friends to do things with us. We do. More often than not.

I think I need to stop feeling guilty or like I’m doing something wrong. I’m not. It’s just that things are changing. Things are different when you’re a we and I’m still getting used to all of that.