I know that fighting is totally normal in a relationship. I've written about it before. I know it's healthy and all of that. Married people fight. It would honestly be weird if we didn't.
I also know that I shouldn't worry about fighting if it's not about big things. Technically in those cases, it's not the fighting that you're worried about, but the big thing that you're fighting about. But, still, fighting about chips is OK in my book.
But lately I've been having a really hard time when Mr. T and I fight.
I always see it as this big thing. That someone he just doesn't understand me. Or he's not trying. Or a whole bunch of really unfair things that I probably shouldn't feel.
And I hate it. Every single bit of it.
He's impatient. He forgets everything. He procrastinates. He hates to plan. These are all things that annoy the crap out of me. These are things that make us fight. These are things that sometimes make the fights worse. But these are also some of the reasons I married him. He sees the world differently than I do and I've always loved that. He's the person who keeps me from making a plan out of a plan. Who reminds me it's OK to have fun. Who reminds me everything is OK.
I'm equally impatient. I want to plan everything and freak out when there isn't one. I make a big deal out of everything and the stupidest little things bother me. I want a system for everything and if something doesn't go according to plan I want to talk for five hours about how we need a system or a plan. These are the things that sometimes make the fights worse. But they are also some of the things that make me pretty awesome, And they're also some of the reasons that make Mr. T and I fit together so well. I'm passionate and I love to plan which makes me detailed oriented. It also helps with Mr. T's procrastination and forgetting.
We fit together pretty well because of our differences, but we also fight hard because of our differences.
And sometimes it's hard.
I haven't had a lot of great experiences with fighting. It's never really been healthy for me. People I know and am related to don't often fight and then move on and love each other. Fights are way, WAY more toxic. I've lost friendships because of fights. I've stopped talking to people (and had people stop talking to me) because of fights.
So when we fight it's really hard to remember that it's normal and totally cool. It's hard to understand that sometimes people just fight. People fight for a lot of different reasons. And sometimes it's just because you're together too much and the fact that they are simply breathing annoys the crap out of you.
Mr. T and I are always going to fight about stupid things. Chips, if a sheet is a blanket, I can't even remember because that's how stupid almost all of our fights are. But, I mean, let's all be honest here, if you're fighting about things like chips and not things like money or infidelity, you're probably doing OK, right?
And I need to remember that Mr. T isn't like everyone else. And that fights with Mr. T aren't like everyone else. Sometimes fighting is normal and natural. Sometimes it's not a sign that everything is falling apart. Sometimes it’s not a sign of anything and there isn't anything wrong or anything to figure out. You're just getting on each other nerves.
Fighting doesn't have to mean there's something wrong with you or your relationship. Fighting is a normal and natural thing. Don't make it worse by analyzing it to death.
Married people fight. And that's OK.