Here's the thing. I've been doing a lot of wedding related things lately. And sometimes while I'm doing those things, I have moments when I just kind of stop and think about everything. I realize holy crap, I'm getting married. You guys. I am getting married! M-A-R-R-I-E-D
I think I've mentioned this before, but I was never the gal who believed she would get married. And, no, it wasn't that I didn't want to get married. I just never thought it would happen. It also wasn't in some sad way. I didn't cry myself at night hoping that someone would deliver me a man.
I just literally didn't ever think it would happen.
I think I didn't understand how it was possible. You know, to love someone that much and know that you want to spend your life with them. And, have them feel all of those things back. I mean, there are how many people on this planet? How in the world would I find a person where everything just worked like that?
I also think that I didn't want to really think about it. I believe that you deal with whatever life hands you. I also believe that you should love and appreciate where you are in life. And, of course, if you don't like something about your life then you should change it.
But that's just the thing, falling in love (and getting married) isn't something you can change or control. It's not like finding a new job or moving to a new city. You can be ready all you want, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen right then. It happens when it happens.
I think, for me, focusing too much on what I didn't have and couldn't control (i.e. having a husband) meant that I was saying that my life was a failure. That somehow my life, the way it was, wasn't good enough. And that's just unacceptable to me. I wasn't somehow failing at life just because of one thing. I was just living.
And even though my life is changing, that doesn't take away from what I had as a single gal. I still fully believe that my life was amazing then. Life still had purpose then. Now, things are just different. I'm (at least a little) different. My life has different purpose.
I don't know if I have any advice or words of wisdom. This is just one of those posts where I have to get out my thoughts.
But I will say this, I think it's OK to not obsess over marriage and love. That doesn't mean that you don't want it to happen, it just means you're living your life and making yourself happy.
It's also OK to let love change you. Change is a great thing (it's scary, but it's great) and it doesn't always mean that something wasn't working or that something was failing. Change can just mean things are different. It's growth. It's you evolving.
And, always be open to love (I say love, because I know that marriage isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that at all). I can tell you from experience that it's pretty freaking amazing. That is, when it's true and genuine love.