I Want To Be a Bride

Like most little girls, I played with Barbies when I was little. I used to pretend they were Barbie and Ken boyfriend and girlfriend.Then he would propose and they would marry. I even taped some wedding music.You know, to make it even more lifelike.

I also thought about my own wedding day. How I would wear a white poufy dress and walk down the aisle with flowers. It was just a typical little girl kind of thing that came from all of the images I had seen of weddings and brides. And I guess I just assumed that’s what I would always want.

As I got older it became less about the wedding and more about the relationship. I wasn’t really sure if I would ever get married, but I did genuinely want to fall in love. I was definitely open to marriage, but was fine with the idea of just being committed to someone for the rest of my life. I was also totally cool with being single.

And all of those thoughts about what my wedding would be like kind of disappeared. I am not saying I never thought about it or anything. I am just saying I didn’t have this whole list of all of the things that I wanted. I didn’t have some dream about how that whole day would happen. I kind of tossed aside the idea that I would ever have a traditional wedding or be a traditional bride. My family actually thought it was likely I would jaunt off somewhere and elope someday.

Now that I’m engaged it’s both good and bad that I don’t have this whole traditional plan. It’s good because it allows all kinds of input and decisions from Mr. T. I am marrying the kind of guy who gets really excited about the planning and I really love that. I also love that we can plan what we want – this whole thing is about us. It’s bad because instead of focusing on what I/we really want, I am too busy worrying about not falling into that traditional idea that I once had which leads to me missing out on being a bride.

But I’ve realized this whole wedding and bride thing is a pretty big deal. This is one of the biggest days of my life -- I am marrying the person that I love and want to spend my life with. We only get one wedding. Just one day. And we’ll always have the memory of that one day. I want that day to be awesome.

And I really want to be a bride. But being a bride doesn’t mean I have to go back to that traditional idea I had as a little girl. I don’t have to look like I’m sitting on top of a wedding cake. And I don’t have to be all bridezilla-like. I can be the kind of bride that suits me.