Week 28 and 29, you guys. Every single time I write another week I feel a sense of pride. And even though now it just feels like my life, I'm still determined to write these entries because I'm still a work in progress.
I hate the scale. I mean, I totally hate it. Honestly, I've decided to just abandon it for the most part. Because every time I step on that damn thing I feel discouraged. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I don't feel the number reflects how I feel or where I am.
Here's the thing I realized. I know I could drop some pounds easy. I could cut out lots of things and be super strict and I'd see that number go down. But I don't want that. I don't want to lose weight and then gain weight and then lose weight. I want to be a healthier, happier me.
I don't want to be on the roller coaster anymore. I don't want to cry when I get dressed anymore. I don't want to be afraid to sit in seats in public anymore. I'm tired of the ups and downs. I'm tired of worrying so damn much.
I know I'm being better to myself. I'm making better choices. I'm reading labels and learning about food. I'm eating fruits and veggies. Food is less about eating my feelings and eating things that are good for my body. Though sometimes I still eat my feelings and they taste like donuts and nachos. I am human after all.
And I don't cry when I get dressed anymore. I'm not afraid to fit in a booth anymore. In fact, I chose a booth AND sat on an the smaller side the other day. I don't need Mr. T to help me zip up my boot. I don't feel like I'm not good enough because of how I look.
I have a better relationship with food. I have a better relationship with myself. And that's progress. That's HUGE progress. And that's more than any number on a scale will ever give me.
I think I have to stop worrying so much about proof of progress. Maybe I won't be able to say I've lost x amount of pounds or inches or whatever. But I can say I can no longer eat a whole cheesecake in one sitting. I can also day that I know when my body feels full. I can also say that I'm in control of food rather than the other way around.
And that's something. A very huge something. Something that I shouldn’t discount as much as I do.
Also, just a little side note here. I know I'm going on and on about not worrying about SEEING progress. But Mr. T and I took pictures the other day and I was totally shocked, you guys. I look so different. Especially in my face and shoulders. And I have boobs. I mean, I always had boobs. But you can actually see definition in my body. I look curvy and stuff. Maybe that's TMI, but I'm pretty proud. I often joke and say that I no longer have my blob body or my Grimace body. It's pretty awesome.
So I think I'm just going to try to be a little more patient, keep myself focused and keep doing what I'm doing.