I'm late this week. Again. I know. Maybe in 2017 I can get it together.
This week is flying by. Mr. T and I have allowed ourselves all of the holiday fun this week and it's been glorious. We don't usually take holidays off. With his full-time professoring and dissertating and with me running my own show it makes it really difficult to disconnect and take time off. But this week we vowed to be different. Which apparently has meant hours of 3D Mario and eating all of the pie.
So the holidays are almost over. And I wish I could write about how good I've been. I wish I could say that I avoided treats and sugar and bad things. I wish I could say I did all of the things I'm supposed to do.
But I did not.
Last night I had a total breakdown about it all. I tried not to. I tried to just keep moving along. But everything got to me.
Mr. T and I set out with well intentions. After holidays with his family, we vowed to be better. And we were. We totally got ourselves back on track.
But then we celebrated Christmas with my family. We made treats that were better for us. But there was pie, you guys. And candy. And so many good things.
And I'm not even kidding you when I say that we ate pie for dinner two nights in a row.
So last night it hit me. I felt like I was losing control. I felt like a failure. I felt all of the terrible things. I think a lot of it is because I've struggled with weight all of my life and I've never really been able to get it right. I've been on this constant roller coaster. I'm really good and lose weight, but then I let my guard down and I gain it back.
Mr. T and I talked for a bit. He assured me that we would be OK and told me not to beat myself up.
I'd been avoiding weighing myself after the holiday because I was too scared. But this morning I decided to confront my fear and just do it already.
And I was down almost a pound from last week. Seriously, you guys. I lost weight.
Here I had been sitting and feeling so bad about myself. Feeling like I was failing. And I LOST A POUND.
It made me feel really silly. But it also made me realize a few things.
- I really need to stop beating myself up. This is something that's true just in general life, but especially with this healthy stuff. I'm human. Sometimes I will treat myself. Sometimes I might overdo it. And that's OK. That's what humans do. What's important it what I do about it. How I move forward. I've said a million times that this is a marathon, not a sprint and I need to remind myself of that daily.
- Falling off the wagon isn't like it used to be. Before I had no wagon to even fall off of. Here I am feeling bad because I snacked on Monday. But my snacks were spinach dip made with Greek yogurt and homemade chex mix and cheese. And then I find myself feeling bad because I indulged on lunch. A lunch that was two pieces of veggie lasagna and three pieces of candy. That's indulging to me. That's being "bad". Before I would have housed the spinach dip, the lasagna, and the candy and that would have just been the appetizer before my main course. This is so different. I'm different and I need to remind myself of that as well.