Last weekend, I was at a conference with Mr. T. It was a medieval conference which obviously I know nothing about. I can't even spell the word medieval (why is it such a weird word to spell?). I went to a few events and saw Mr. T present which was pretty awesome. I always love watching him talk about anything in his field. He's so passionate about it and I love seeing that. But back to what I was saying. Since I know nothing about medievally things, that meant I spent most of the day by myself. It was nice. I wrote some. Caught up on emails. Took myself to lunch and for a beer. Wandered the streets of Kalamazoo. I actually grew up near Kalamazoo so it was kind of a blast from the past. I remember how big that place used to seem to me. It's so different now.
But, anyway, I was sitting at lunch with a lovely cheddar ale soup and a raspberry beer and I realized how rare it is that I do anything like that alone anymore. It actually felt kind of weird eating lunch alone. And there was once a time when that wouldn't have felt weird at all. I mean, part of it was probably because I was in Kalamazoo where apparently no one does anything alone. But it's also because I don't take the time to do things alone anymore.
When I was single, stuff like that was a regular thing. I did tons of things alone. So much that sometimes I wondered if I was a loner. But I just got used to it since I was single and my friends didn't always want to do the things I wanted to do. And, since I moved to cities by myself, I kind of had to get used to doing things by myself. Otherwise I'd be a crazy lady and I'd never be able to eat or bathe or really do anything in life. I had to run errands myself, watch TV by myself, eat dinner by myself.
Now that I'm married, I'm really bad about giving myself some alone time. I usually have most of the day on Friday to myself which I've taken advantage of since quitting my job. But a lot of times I do housework or work myself so it's not really true alone time.
Mr. T and I run errands together. We watch TV together. We eat together. And I love spending that time with him. I love that we enjoy doing so many things together and that we have so much in common. So I think sometimes it feels weird to just go out to eat by myself. I actually kind of feel weird writing that because I am afraid of how it might sound.
But the truth is, it doesn't sound dumb. There is nothing wrong with wanting some alone time. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to do everything with your spouse.
You need to give yourself some alone time. To be you. To think. To relax. To not have to worry about anyone but yourself. To do what you want to do and eat what you want to eat. There's nothing wrong with needing and wanting that. And, actually, I think it's good for your marriage.
Don't get me wrong, if you aways want to spend time alone, that's probably an issue. But taking a day here and there to wander the farmer's market alone or taking an hour or two to go for a walk or having dinner alone once in a while doesn't somehow mean there's something wrong with your relationship.
Side note, I often find that I get too caught up in what I should be doing as a married lady. It's really annoying and annoys the hell out of Mr. T most of the time (as it should) so it's something I'm working on.
Alone time is just as important as spouse time.