I can look at a room and find 994 things out of place. But he can look at a room and see nothing. It drives me crazy. I mean, how in the world can you not notice the crumbs on the coffee table?
Because life is all about balance and I want to be fun again.
Mr. T and I have started looking for houses. Like real houses. To buy. I can't believe it you guys.
It isn't easy. Anyone who tells you it is, is totally lying. Or they aren't being their true self.
You should understand commitment. You should also know that this is the person you want to be committed too. But that doesn't mean you know every single thing. Or how to handle every single thing that comes your way.
My name is Jess Downey and I'm domestic and my fridge is full of kale and yogurt. And I'm totally OK with that. (I think)
I'm a strong woman and I will openly admit that I need my husband. What’s so wrong with that?
Guess what?! I am back. Officially in Indiana. Almost settled. And we have a puppy.
I was at a medieval conference with Mr. T which meant I spent quite a bit of time alone (I can't even spell the word medieval). And one day at lunch, while sitting with a lovely cheddar ale soup and a raspberry beer, I realized how great alone time can be. And that it's just as important as spouse time.
I was always the gal who said I wouldn't change one bit if I ever got married. I was so naive and now I am totally eating my words.
So we've established that Mr. T is obsessed with March Madness. And I'm beginning to think that people might think I am too with all of these posts about it. I mean, sheesh. Anyway. Mr. T. He's crazy about March Madness. But this will be my third with him and I still married him so that means I (and we've) successfully navigated it without killing each other. So here are four tips for surviving March Madness when your significant other is a basketball freak (like mine).
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I personally say, watch it with them. The thing about March Madness (and what I've noticed about most of sports) is that it isn't the opera. You can chat and goof around. Have some drinks and food. It's fun to just hang out. So why not? And, of course, when I say chat I don't mean have a deep serious conversation. I just mean it's not like the opera.
I firmly believe that you shouldn't try to steer your boo away from watching. That just causes issues and no one wants that over a basketball game (or, you know, 994 basketball games). So, compromise. Maybe he (or she) doesn't always get to watch it on the big TV. Maybe you get to pick the snacks. Maybe he has to cook you dinner or give you a massage. Whatever.
Just pretend to understand.
I will admit it, I don't understand watching basketball for that many hours. It's so many! But I don't really have to. It makes him happy. It's something he enjoys (and enjoyed long before Jess Downey was even a thing in his life). There are plenty of things I do that I am sure he doesn't understand. That's just how it works.
Do your own thing.
If you're really not into it, that's cool too. Your guy or gal shouldn't make you watch anymore than you should make them not watch. So use it as an advantage to get some me time in and do whatever that involves.
And to prove that it's possible (just in case that whole lifetime commitment with marriage thing didn't do it for ya), I am going to have a little recap after each round -- a diary if you will -- of watching March Madness with Mr. T. Be on the look out for the first one next week.
All the really cool things that married couples do that I, as a newlywed, do not do with my spouse. Except I actually do them all.
So Mr. T and I went on our honeymoon. It was amazing. Seriously one of the best trips I've ever been on. And not just because it was our honeymoon, but because it was amazing. Bermuda was beautiful. We stayed at a fun little resort and did the all inclusive deal. It was wonderful to wake up in the morning and not worry about anything. All we had to decide is if we wanted to go to the beach or the pool. The only schedule we kept were for meals. I slept in and took naps. We got a couples massage. Like I said, it was the best.
But part of the amazingness of the trip really was my attitude toward everything. Sure Bermuda was wonderful, but if I had been a total stick in the mud the trip wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. And I realized that I should probably take some of that back with me. So here are nine things I learned from my beach vacation that you can also apply to your real, non-beachy life.
1. Take chances and risks. Don't be so afraid.
I know everyone says it, but it's true. I don't know the last time I've even been in a bathing suit and I was pretty terrified of getting in the ocean (I'm convinced city living has done that to me since I was never worried about lakes or anything when I was younger). During our trip I swam in a cave and got in the ocean. I wore my bathing suit pretty much everyday. And you know what? I had some of the best experiences of my life. The cave was amazing (and also cold and freaky). We saw crabs in the ocean and a blood work and tons of pretty fish. If I had let my fear get the best of me I would have missed out on so much.
2. Take time for the things you enjoy.
I sat on the beach multiple days and peacefully read a book. It was a book that I started reading around the time of the wedding and I was only a few pages in. How is it that I couldn't find time to dig more into that book in the past few months? That's just crazy. I like to be busy, but that doesn't mean I have to be working. It was fun getting lost in that book and I plan to do that more (and many other fun things) now that I'm back.
3. Most things can wait a few days.
I am known for my to-do lists and I probably always will be. There is just something that feels good about making a schedule. The problem is that sometimes I get a little too wrapped up in all the things that I have to do and I feel like a failure if I push stuff off. Most things can wait (unless you're a doctor performing brain surgery) so sometimes it's OK to make this or that wait. And you can do it for not particular reason at all.
4. Slow down a little.
Life goes fast. And living in New York makes things go turbo speed. But I realized that I miss out on so many things because I am going so fast. Sometimes it's OK to just slow down and relax a little.
5. Stop worrying so damn much.
I worry about every thing. Did we plan dinner for tonight? What are we doing this weekend? What if I forget something? What if I don't write enough? What if I write too much? It's exhausting. On our trip I worried about (almost) nothing. And it felt pretty awesome. And I totally lived through it. Sometimes worrying is OK, but sometimes it's actually just getting in your way.
6. Appreciate and find the beauty in things.
Bermuda is gorgeous. The water. The beach. The adorable colored houses. I was in love the second we landed. But Brooklyn is pretty beautiful in it's way too. And not just because of the brownstones and brick. It's also beautiful because this is where I started my NYC story and where Mr. T and I started our life together. There's a reason that I tattooed the coordinates on my arm. And no matter where I am in life (physically or whatever stage I am in) I will always try to find the beauty in it.
7. People don't really care that much.
And if they do, they aren't worth your time or worry. It's no secret that I'm not a skinny gal. I embrace winter coat and sweater season. But you can't really do that at the beach. It was a bit of a struggle for me, but Mr. T continually told me no one really gives a s#%@. And he's right. People talked to me. No one judged me or seemed to care. It's really mostly in my head.
8. Talk to people you don't know.
One of the things that I hated about living in the Midwest was the fact that every person talks to you all the time. In New York, no one talks to you. In Bermuda, literally everyone talks to you. You walk down the street and someone says good morning or afternoon. It was kind of awesome to be amongst that level of friendliness. Admittedly it was a bit weird at first, but still awesome. So, once in a while say hi to the person that lives next door or someone that walks past you. It's nice to spread a little cheer.
9. Embrace things as they come.
Our trip was during what's considered Bermuda's winter season. That means it would likely rain a lot. We knew that going into the trip, but found out that it was a little crazier than we thought. The weather report was so unreliable so we couldn't really plan when it was best to hit the beach or the pool or stay inside. We had to kind of take the weather as it came. There were times that we ended up swimming in the rain or that we ended up inside when it might have been better to be out. But honestly, I don't feel like we missed out on anything. The hotel had board games so hanging in the great room playing Monopoly with Mr. T was a blast. I'm not very good at going with the flow, but I definitely need to work on it. Life can't always be planned. Sometimes ya just have to roll with the punches.
So I know that I just got back from a little break for the holiday, but I have to sign off for a few days again because Mr. T and I are going on our honeymoon. I am so excited and I can't wait. I definitely understand why people take a honeymoon immediately following their wedding. You're beat! But that wasn't an option for us because of his teaching schedule (damn those smart people!). The cabin was fun, but it is nothing like a whole entire week off at a beachy resort.
We chose Bermuda because it's the off season so it won't be crazy hot or flooded with tons of people and it's also a short plane ride from NYC. I don't want to start or end our trip with some crazy long plane ride. I am not technically a beachy gal, but we both figured it was the perfect place to go and relax. We didn't want to mess around with sightseeing and all that jazz. And I am not totally sad about going some place warm in the middle of winter. Now I just have to round up all of our summer clothes to pack.
Anyway, I am disconnecting for a bit. I'll post a little over on Twitter and Instagram (and maybe even Facebook) while I'm away. But I'm putting a halt on blog posts until I return. I will be back after the trip rested and full of all I can eat and drink (with some awesome posts of course).
Wish me luck with this beach stuff!