Just before I broke away for the holidays, I read an article about banning weddings. I will openly admit that when I was a single gal I would have been all "Hooray. Go get 'em. Woo hoo." And it wouldn't have been because I was bitterly single or jealous of other gals planning their nuptials. If you remember correctly, I was pretty content with my single status. It was more the fact that I thought weddings were a crock of shit. It was kind of like what happened to Valentine's Day. Some big wig out there took something that could be genuinely sweet and from the heart and found a way to capitalize on it. (Read that as they're making a shit load of money off of love).
But now that I'm nine months-ish away from walking down the aisle myself, I look at things from a different perspective. It's not that I’m suddenly throwing in the towel and giving in to all the pressures. It’s more that I understand more about weddings and wanting to be a bride. It's a pretty big day. You only do it once (theoretically). And I genuinely want the day that I marry Mr. T to be spectacular and fun for everyone involved
However, just because I say all of that, doesn't mean that I'm running out to get the most expensive of everything to make the day perfect. Frankly, I don't get some of this wedding stuff. I've seen invitations that are well over $1000. Dresses that are 10 times that. And let's not talk about venues and food. It's insane.
So I get that part of the article. And I totally agree that we should celebrate all of our life decisions in the same manner. But I honestly feel like the article is a little judgey. Just because you want a wedding doesn't mean that you aren't truly in love or that you don't understand marriage and what it means to be a wife.
One of the reasons that I don't get the $50,000 weddings and all the glitz and glamour is because of the fact that I'm not really a glamorous or flashy gal. If I was filthy rich, I would still chose the simple house, car, clothes, shoes, etc. I'm practical and I just don't see the sense in spending massive amounts of money on something when you can spend far less on something that works the same and is just as nice. I had this big old TV for a while instead of a flat screen. I wanted a new TV, but that beast worked just fine and I needed other things so I didn't see the sense in buying something new just yet.
So obviously a wedding is no different to me.
But who am I to judge someone who spends thousands of dollars on a wedding? No one. Do I think there is a chance that some of those people don't really value marriage and are just in it to have a wedding? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean they all do or that I should sit and say I am the one who really understands this love and wife stuff.
Plenty of people drop some major cash on the big day and are still marrying for love. There are also people who dream of their wedding day and can't wait until the day they finally meet a man, but they still marry for love and work hard every day to make their marriage work.
While I do agree that the wedding industry is out of control, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't celebrate marriage at all. Why can't we have a big elaborate wedding and still be in love? Why can't we aspire to get a college degree, but also dream about getting married and falling in love? Why can't we celebrate our wedding day, but also our achievements in life? And if your choice in life is to just get married and have kids, why is that such a bad thing?
I don't get why we have a list of approved celebrations here. I can't determine what's important to someone else (though I do agree with the part about teenage baby showers). Why is it OK to have a huge bash celebrating a college education or other so-called worthy causes, but not for a wedding? Wouldn't the education system and everything else also turn into what the wedding industry has?
I also don't think the problem is totally because of our need for weddings. It's also about our need for the best and most expensive things. We're a culture of want, want, want. Buy this and then buy some more. Buy one thing and then get the new and improved. One up your neighbors and friends. Model your life after one of the millionaires on TV.
We buy things we don't need just to have them. Just watch an episode of House Hunters and you'll see plenty of examples. I once saw an episode where a single woman wanted a five bedroom house. She had no plans for this house, but just said she needed all the space. Some of the rooms didn't even have any furniture in it.
Money and expensive things have become so important in our world. We strive to make millions so we can spend it to feel something about ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying there is anything wrong with having money. I'm just saying that plenty of industries prey on the idea that the most expensive thing is the best.
It's need versus want. And I think we often confuse the two. So maybe we should ban this idea that we need to spend mass amounts of money on everything in order to be happy.
(Or maybe this is just the curmudgeony old woman babbling here)