What I Know

What I Know

I don't want to have this privilege. I believe everyone should have all of the things I do. No matter where you're from, what color your skin is, what sex you are, whatever your religion. I don't care. We should all have the same things. So I'm going to use my privilege for as much good as I possibly can and I'm going to fight like hell for anyone and everyone I can.

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Voted for Donald Trump

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Voted for Donald Trump

You have to understand that if you voted for Trump, you also voted for all of his ideas and morals and what have you. You voted to put all of that into office. You voted for that to govern our country.

Ashamed & Heartbroken

Ashamed & Heartbroken

What I fear is not Trump himself and what he will do. What I fear is what he's ignited in his followers. The power he's given to hate, bigotry, misogyny, racism, sexism, and homophobia.

Perfectionism Is Such A Bi@&h

Because life should be equal parts of getting shit done and not worrying about shit.

An Open Letter to Whoever Decided to Put Tomatoes on Everything

Can we all just agree that tomatoes are gross and we should stop putting them on everything?

I'd Rather Listen to Taylor Swift Than...

I'd take her vapid, annoying, and sometimes stupid lyrics that don't make sense any day over a lot of other music out there.

Things That Horrify Newlyweds (Supposedly)

All the really cool things that married couples do that I, as a newlywed, do not do with my spouse. Except I actually do them all.

Body shaming. It's Not OK.

This isn’t a war of the skinny versus the fat or the plus sized versus the non plus sized. Rather, this is about body shaming. It’s everywhere and it attacks everyone no matter what size you are.

Sex Isn't the Only Form of Intimacy

Photo credit: Anthony Easton (Flickr) A couple of weeks ago, I saw a story on the news about how this couple had vowed to have sex with each every night for a month. I guess it started because they noticed one day that they hadn't touched each other in over a week. So in an effort to bring back the intimacy, they chose to make sexy time a daily routine.

Now, part of me thought "good for them!". I mean, if you realize there is an issue in your relationship, you should always try to work at it. And, yeah, sex every single night. That's a feat so I give you props and kudos and all of those awesome congratulatory words. But the other part of me doesn't understand how exactly this solves the problem.

Don't get me wrong (and hear me out). Sex is important. Very important. I think unless you have some kind of extraordinary circumstances you should be doing the deed sometimes. So I'm not trying to deny that. I just don’t think sex is the only thing that's important when it comes to intimacy. And that's part of the problem here.

I also think it's unrealistic to have sex with your significant other every night. Sorry, but I do. Sometimes one of you (or both of you) are too tired or just don't feel like it. Sometimes you have a deadline or get home late or want to be an old person and go to sleep at 10pm. It's not really that big of a deal and it doesn't say anything about your relationship or how much you're attracted to each other. It's just real life. Relationships are real life.

And,  I also think it's a problem if you are forcing yourself to have sex when you don't want to. I don't care what the issue is. That just isn't right and I don’t see how that's healthy or how it makes anything better. Seriously. If you're treating sex like a chore, how in the world is that helping you to be more intimate with your significant other? Pretty sure that just means you’re having sex more.

Which is kind of a big thing here -- the way we're defining and expressing intimacy. You can't do that just through sex. There are so many other ways to do it. Some of them don't even include touching. Kissing, showering together, holding hands, deep conversations. Those are all ways you can be intimate with your significant other.

But, with all of that said, I know that intimacy can be an issue.  It's easy to get stuck in a rut and have it escape. It's so easy to get all wrapped up in the daily routine (and monotony of everything). Jobs, kids, being comfortable, everyday life -- you name it.

And if it is an issue, you need to fix it (if it can be fixed). But that doesn't have to automatically translate into having sex every night. Instead, try to make sure you're being intimate in some way each day. Kiss each other in the morning. Cuddle for a bit before bed. Hold hands at the grocery store.  Give each other a little smack on the ass here and there. Do whatever suits your fancy.

Obviously you shouldn't do stuff like that instead of or to replace having sex. Rather, it's stuff to do along with the sex stuff so you're not going several days without even touching each other or feeling the lack of intimacy.

Call me crazy, but I think that's way more realistic and will solve your problem for the long term (rather than just 30 days). It also brings back the fun and flirtiness in your relationship (and that can lead to a little more sexy time too).

 

OkCupid Experiments with Human Beings

Human Experiment I wasn't going to write about the whole OkCupid thing, but then I realized I have a few thoughts so I wanted to throw my two cents in.

If you don't know the scoop, OkCupid recently revealed that they experiment on humans. And not in some weird scientific kind of way, but just through the website. You know, to see how people think and date and stuff.

<GASP!>

And now a lot of people are outraged and have their undies in a bundle. But, my question is, what's the harm? I mean, really. What is the harm? How is this different from any other site that does it?

Ok. I can kind of understand it. I mean, taking your information and manipulating it in ways that you don't know about is kind of wrong. And lying to you about matches or hiding things is probably kind of wrong too.

But I honestly don't see what the big deal is.

I guess if you take their matching percentages for their worth it might be a little misleading. But, honestly, I was never compatible in person with any of the people I had high percentages with. In fact, Mr. T and I weren't that high. I was actually lower on the scale than any other girl he met off the site.

We really like those people just because we're told we're supposed to (as OkCupid pointed out as one of their reasons for experimenting in the first place). Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone isn't a bad thing. And, to me, this experimentation just helped people out a little with that.

Also, did I miss where they only allowed you to date the people they lied about? I mean, you're able to search on OkCupid in many ways, right? That's actually how Mr. T found me -- he searched beer. You really shouldn't be basing all of your online dating decisions solely on the percentages anyway.

You also make a choice in who you meet. So if you exchange a few messages with someone and they don't suit your fancy, you don't have to meet them.

So, maybe it's a little sneaky. Maybe a little conniving. Maybe a little wrong. But I don't think it's earth shattering. I don't think it's a reason to not trust the site or to not join it.

Articles About Not Settling Make Me Cringe

I get tired of people talking about settling. I'll go into that in greater detail, but seriously, it's old. The cold hard truth is life (and love) is not a rom com. It's real. You're going to hate stuff about your partner.

Ban Weddings. Wait. What?

I recently read an article about banning weddings. You know, since they are all about the glitz, glamour, and how much money you spend. But I'm not sure I agree and think this is only part of our problem.

I've Been Having Some Crazy Dreams

I have no idea what's happening, but I've been having some crazy dreams. Ever Mr. T and I got engaged I've had this same dream over and over again. It's almost freaking me out. I don’t know a lot about dreams and what they mean (I once wrote a paper in college about it, but that was far too long ago). I don't think it's necessarily the content of the dream, but the fact that I keep having it.

An Open Letter to the Makers of Special K Commercials

I have a bone to pick with you. It’s also the same bone I have with those Yoplait commercials. Though I don’t think you are the same people.  So I’m sorry if it looks like I’m blaming you for both. Actually, maybe you could just pass this along to them?