I hate the scale. I mean, I totally hate it. Honestly, I've decided to just abandon it for the most part. Because every time I step on that damn thing I feel discouraged. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I don't feel the number reflects how I feel or where I am.
I've been working so hard to be that girl again that I didn't realize that I don't need to be that girl again. But I've been too stuck in the past to even see it. I haven't been moving forward and that's what I need to do.
So the holidays are almost over. And I wish I could write about how good I've been. I wish I could say that I avoided treats and sugar and bad things. I wish I could say I did all of the things I'm supposed to do. But I did not.
I've noticed a big thing lately. We're so much more dedicated to all of this. We set rules and parameters and as things have come up we've sat down and talked about it. We haven't just plowed through everything without thinking it through or without a care.
I want to lose weight, don't get me wrong. But I also want to be a happier, healthier me. For me, this is a whole package thing. It's something I want to do long term. It's something that I want to still be doing 10, 15, or even 20 years down the road.
Last week I wanted to stuff every single thing in my face. I go through weird waves of things when I'm emotional. Very few things ever sound good to me so I don't want to eat a ton. But then when I do, I want to eat everything.
I'm officially down 35 pounds. And I seriously can't believe how much of a difference it makes. Every time I take a picture, I compare it with me from a few months ago or last year and I cannot believe how different I look.
This past weekend was pretty hard. We've hit the two month mark of no junk food, St. Joe's homecoming was on Saturday, and Mr. T's dad came to visit for the first time. So we had all of the opportunities to eat all of the junk.