The other day I stumbled on this article from Thought Catalog. It's about 21 things to look for in the person you marry. I saw a lot of hater comments on it and I really wanted to go against them and like the article, but there was just something about it that made me cringe.
Now, I have to give the list credit because there really is a kind of sweetness to it. I mean, I think most of us want to marry someone who is our best friend. The kind of person who makes us laugh the hardest at the stupidest things. We like that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s the thing that makes us want to go on date, after date, after date with someone.
But that's the thing -- marriage isn’t the same as dating. And I think that's where this list goes tragically wrong.
Don't get me wrong, you should (sorry, I know I'm not supposed to use that word!) still date your husband, wife, fiancé, etc. It's just different when you're no longer a couple that's just dating each other.
As I've said before, relationships are hard work. And, frankly, this article doesn't take any of that into account. I don't think it's necessarily superficial, I just think it's not realistic. It's all fun and games. It's all a fairy tale. Actually, it's a very rom com way of looking at love and relationships.
It's great to look for those cute, cheesy moments in your relationship. It's great to have that. Mr. T and I do. We are total weirdoes sometimes, but it makes us both laugh. I consider him my best friend and I tell him everything. And we have those cute moments on the couch, with popcorn, and a blanket. But we also have those moments where I'm wearing leggings as pants, he's in pajama pants and the same Bengals shirt he's worn for a couple of days, we haven't showered all day and one of us has buffalo chicken dip on our shirts.
Relationships are real. They are real life. You need to be able to accept that they aren't a fairy tale. Your man might burn some eggs, but that's cool. He's probably going to sit on the couch with his hand down his pants (I do it too! Why does that feel so nice?!). You'll both burp and fart and who knows what else. You'll be too tired to have sex sometimes or you'll be peeling off that shirt with the buffalo chicken dip on it (that's sexy).
Find someone you can be real with and still have the warm fuzzies. Someone who makes you laugh and smile without all the bells and whistles. Someone who you share a mutual respect for. Someone who's willing to work as hard as you to make things work.
Oh, and one more thing. Lists are exhausting and this one has 21. Seriously. 21 things to look for in the person you marry.