What Marriage Isn't

10411880_10100488607029610_3967402713047548287_nSo I've mentioned 994 times that Mr. T and I made it a whole year. Maybe it's a ta bit overkill, but I have a lot of stuff I want to share about marriage and anniversaries and stuff. Sorry I'm not sorry. Anyway. I've had this post sitting in my brain for the longest time. Because I thought for a while about what to post on our anniversary (or I guess around it). I didn't want to write this huge ass post about all of the things I've learned about marriage or life. Everyone does that. I mean, I've learned a lot about myself, marriage, and life. I mean, A LOT, you guys. But, the truth is, I'm still learning a lot about marriage, myself, and life. I don't think you figure everything out in only a year. And all of those posts feel the same to me.

And, honestly, some of those posts make me feel guilty or bad about myself/my marriage. I adore Mr. T. I love him so very much. He's my favorite person in the world. But sometimes I want to punch him because he gets on my nerves. Sometimes I wish he would take a trip so I can sleep alone for a few nights. Sometimes I wonder if we'll make it.

That's real life folks. That's marriage.

So, I decided to share what marriage isn't. Because I think that's the biggest thing that I've learned over the past year. And it feels the most realistic to me.

It isn't easy. Anyone who tells you it is, is totally lying. Or they aren't being their true self.

It isn't fair or 50/50. Both people have to do their part. But sometimes it's 60/40 or 90/10. And both parties have to give 100% all the time.

It isn't a game of house. Playing house was so much easier when I was a kid.

It isn't something to be taken for granted. Though it's really easy to do.

It isn't something to take lightly. This is serious business folks.

It isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes you just want the person to go away. Not permanently, but for a little while.

It isn't something you figure out overnight (or in a year). 

It isn't something you always understand. And you don't necessarily have to.

It isn't some article in a magazine. 

It isn't the answer to all of your problems. If you were unhappy before marriage, you're going to be unhappy in marriage. If you were disorganized or bad with money or whatever else before marriage, you're going to be that after marriage.

It isn't just about love. Though love is really important.

It isn't a wedding. A wedding is a celebration of love. Your decision to spend the rest of your lives together. A marriage is all the real life stuff that comes after.

Now, I know this post might sound a little negative. But I swear that's not how I mean it at all. Marriage is a wonderfully, beautifully amazing thing and I've loved my first year of it. But marriage is also real life. So it isn't always pretty. Sometimes it's a little messy and challenging and scary. You're trusting someone else with your heart and your life. That's BIG. And you have to figure shit out.

So if I had to give any advice to someone who's getting hitched or thinks they might want to someday it would be this:

Get to know the person. Talk to them. Find out who they are and where they want to go in life. Make sure that's the place you want to go and stuff you can deal with for the next 100 years.  Then jump in. Remember to be patient and realistic. Work together. Be kind. Don't give up. And love with all you've got.