The Second Year
Today is my anniversary with Mr. T. It's weird because it seems like it was so long ago, but I also kind of can't believe it's been two years.
Two years of marriage, you guys.
I remember that day so well. I mean, it's blurry because it went by so fast. What everyone says is true - you blink and it's over. Everything was crazy and busy and wonderful and fun.I never really felt nervous until just before I saw Mr. T. I don’t know why I was so nervous either, I just was. But I never felt nervous about getting married or marrying him or anything.
It's also weird because, honestly, I found the second year of marriage so much harder than the first.
A lot of stuff happened over the past year. A lot of it was good or at least in pursuit of good things. But a lot of it was super hard and frustrating.
- We left Brooklyn.
- Mr. T started a new job.
- Mr. T was working said job while also finishing his dissertation (and he's still finishing it).
- We moved in with my mom.
- We bought a house in rural Indiana.
- My mom moved in with us and then moved out.
- We bought another puppy.
- I was also in a super dark place with my self-esteem.
A lot of rough stuff, you guys. And, honestly (again), it was super challenging. There were times that I was frustrated and didn't know if we would make it. I mean, I was totally being dramatic because that's life and marriage - rough stuff happens.
So I guess in some weird way, I feel like I learned a lot more about marriage, myself, and Mr. T during our second year. And I really hate those posts about what I learned in x amount of years of marriage, but oh well.
During year two, I learned.
- Marriage isn't all rainbows and butterflies. There's tough shit. And there will probably be lots more tough shit. Some that will likely be even worse. But having someone by your side, someone who wants to stick by you and figure it all out is pretty awesome. And, that's what's important. The fact that they don't run the other way when the tough shit happens.
- Every love story is unique and whatever your love story is makes it special. I think I got a little too caught up in the idea of love. The honeymoon and the high of being a newly married couple started to wear off this year. It felt different for me and it scared me and I think it made me pick things apart. But one of the things that I always loved about Mr. T was the fact that he is different. The fact that we're different. So I need to keep embracing that.
- Marriage is absolutely nothing like dating. Which, kind of goes along with what I was saying in #2. I think I compare us too much to when we were dating and, well, there really is no comparison.
- Contentment and complacement (is that a word?) are often confused. Mr. T and I spend most nights sitting at home on the couch. We don't get fancy. We don't always make a big deal out of it. And sometimes it feels like we're not putting any effort into things. But it also means that we're totally content just hanging out watching TV or a movie or playing Mario. And that, my friends, is love. It's important to be aware of complacency, but it's also important to understand when you're just happy.
I'm super excited for year three, you guys. We're settling into our home and making the Midwest our place. And I'm excited to see what new adventures that will bring.
I hope that I can chill out and stop worrying. And I hope that I continue to learn and grow with Mr. T. There really is no one else I'd want by my side.
P.S. We decided to go to the Michigan State vs. Ohio State game for our anniversary. It's in November. Fingers crossed we make it through year three.