The Importance of Being Helpful and Appreciative
For some reason I thought it was a great day to make homemade salsa. It's not that hard or time consuming and I had been putting it off for so long. But, it left me with barely any time to make lunch or clean up the kitchen.
I asked Mr. T to come taste his salsa (we have very different tastes when it comes to that kind of thing. His has raw tomatoes and I just can't do that). He tasted it and said it was great. I think he could tell I was frazzled because he immediately started to help me clean up. He did all of the dishes and told me he had it all under control. I made a joke about how I made salsa in lieu of eating lunch and he said he would make me something and asked what I wanted. I told him.
I went back into the office to finish all of my daily tasks and a little later he brought me in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some pretzels.
I sat there for a second and realized how lucky I was. The man has plenty of his own work to do, but he stopped everything he was doing to help me and make sure I had some food for my belly.
It made me realize a couple of things:
When your significant other needs help, try to help them. Even if they don't ask for it.
We aren't all great at asking for help, but sometimes we are obviously screaming for it. I feel like sometimes, as a partner, it's important to step in and lend a hand when it's needed. There's something that just feels nice when you're struggling and someone steps in to help out. Of course, on the flip side of that, be sure to ask for it sometimes. (I'm still getting better at that I swear).
Let your partner know that you appreciate them. Don't assume they just know it.
All too often I think I'm quick to call Mr. T out when he doesn’t do something or when I’m upset (or angry), but I’m not entirely positive if I say thank you as often (or as quick) as I should.
I think it's common in relationships. To let the good stuff go without a thank you. You get comfortable. And, let's all be honest, for some reason it's easier to point out the bad. I do it with myself all the time. There are countless times I do something great and don’t pay myself on the back. But the second I mess up all hell breaks loose.
It's also assumed that the other person knows you appreciate the good. It's what you're "supposed" to do anyway. And who doesn’t like the good stuff? So why do we really need to bother with something that’s obvious?
That’s the thing though. It’s not always obvious. And, honestly, it’s just nice to hear a “thank you” every once in a while. Even for something that might seem simple or small.
I'm not saying you should never point out the bad things or let someone know when they've upset you. I genuinely believe people should be assertive about what they want and need. I also don't think that the nice things magically become a get out of jail free card when someone does something wrong. I'm just saying that we shouldn't get so caught up in the bad that we totally forget about all the good.
Help your partner. Appreciate them. And let them know that you do. Grand gestures aren’t necessary. A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” works just fine.