Sex Isn't the Only Form of Intimacy

Photo credit: Anthony Easton (Flickr) A couple of weeks ago, I saw a story on the news about how this couple had vowed to have sex with each every night for a month. I guess it started because they noticed one day that they hadn't touched each other in over a week. So in an effort to bring back the intimacy, they chose to make sexy time a daily routine.

Now, part of me thought "good for them!". I mean, if you realize there is an issue in your relationship, you should always try to work at it. And, yeah, sex every single night. That's a feat so I give you props and kudos and all of those awesome congratulatory words. But the other part of me doesn't understand how exactly this solves the problem.

Don't get me wrong (and hear me out). Sex is important. Very important. I think unless you have some kind of extraordinary circumstances you should be doing the deed sometimes. So I'm not trying to deny that. I just don’t think sex is the only thing that's important when it comes to intimacy. And that's part of the problem here.

I also think it's unrealistic to have sex with your significant other every night. Sorry, but I do. Sometimes one of you (or both of you) are too tired or just don't feel like it. Sometimes you have a deadline or get home late or want to be an old person and go to sleep at 10pm. It's not really that big of a deal and it doesn't say anything about your relationship or how much you're attracted to each other. It's just real life. Relationships are real life.

And,  I also think it's a problem if you are forcing yourself to have sex when you don't want to. I don't care what the issue is. That just isn't right and I don’t see how that's healthy or how it makes anything better. Seriously. If you're treating sex like a chore, how in the world is that helping you to be more intimate with your significant other? Pretty sure that just means you’re having sex more.

Which is kind of a big thing here -- the way we're defining and expressing intimacy. You can't do that just through sex. There are so many other ways to do it. Some of them don't even include touching. Kissing, showering together, holding hands, deep conversations. Those are all ways you can be intimate with your significant other.

But, with all of that said, I know that intimacy can be an issue.  It's easy to get stuck in a rut and have it escape. It's so easy to get all wrapped up in the daily routine (and monotony of everything). Jobs, kids, being comfortable, everyday life -- you name it.

And if it is an issue, you need to fix it (if it can be fixed). But that doesn't have to automatically translate into having sex every night. Instead, try to make sure you're being intimate in some way each day. Kiss each other in the morning. Cuddle for a bit before bed. Hold hands at the grocery store.  Give each other a little smack on the ass here and there. Do whatever suits your fancy.

Obviously you shouldn't do stuff like that instead of or to replace having sex. Rather, it's stuff to do along with the sex stuff so you're not going several days without even touching each other or feeling the lack of intimacy.

Call me crazy, but I think that's way more realistic and will solve your problem for the long term (rather than just 30 days). It also brings back the fun and flirtiness in your relationship (and that can lead to a little more sexy time too).