I am writing this post days, maybe even weeks before I will post it because I can't concentrate on anything else. Maybe writing out the words will calm everything down. Mr. T and I know where we are moving. Drum roll please...
Our next adventure will be in Mishawaka, Indiana. For those of you unfamiliar, it's right next to South Bend which, if you've heard of Notre Dame, you've heard of South Bend, Indiana. It's also the town that I lived in from 16 to about 22. It's also the town that my mom grew up in and where my mom (and the rest of my family) currently lives.
It's kind of crazy because it's the one place I never thought I would go back to. I actually said I would (that whole never say never thing always kicks me in the ass).
We are actually moving in with my mom. Which is a little terrifying and brings so many emotions. Excitement. Fear. Worry. More excitement.
After a long talk with Mr. T we decided that it was a little crazy to try to plan a move when we were so unsure about his job situation. How would we get a place? How would we get a car? What would we do if he couldn't find a job? There are just too many variables that could turn everything into a disaster. So we decided it would be best to have a base camp. He can keep teaching, interviewing, and dissertating. I can keep working on my shop and doing my freelance thing. It will give us time to save (lord it's so much cheaper than NYC). Find a place we love. Maybe even buy a place. And it gets us to our location of choice -- somewhere that's closer to our families.
My mom has a cute little house and it's just her and her dog (she also said we could get a dog too. My mom is the best). So there's plenty of room for us. We'll have our own room. And there is a basement where we can set up an additional living room. I'll have room to craft too which is pretty awesome. She also has central air, a dishwasher, a washer & dryer, an outdoor space, and a grill. There's also a Chipotle. Seriously it's heaven. My mom is also pretty amazing. And I know that everyone says that, but my mom truly is. She's one of my very best friends so being close to her will be amazing and I know that she will let us make it feel like our home too.
But it's terrifying you guys. In true Jess and Mr. T fashion, it all happened so fast. One minute we were talking about how we could do it if we needed to. Then I was asking her. Then we were moving at the end of May. The. End. Of. May. It's funny because it was actually on our seven month anniversary and the anniversary of the day that we first decided to get engaged (another decision that we made randomly). Seriously, this is our pattern and I kind of love it, but it also scares the shit out of me sometimes.
Once it all set in I freaked out hardcore. So much that I had to crawl into bed and get under the covers. That's what I do when I'm scared. It's really weird, but it makes me feel better. Seriously, stop judging me and try it for yourself.
I think what freaked me out the most is the fact that I don't know how this will all work. I am married now. Mr. T and I have systems and ways we do things. We've built a home. And so I don't really know how it will work living with my mom who's building her own home for herself. Can I juice every morning and hang our menu on the fridge? How will Mr. T and I fight? Where will we fight? What about all of my art? My pictures? My throw pillows? Can we use our sheets on the bed? What if I need to cook with something and it's packed away? What if this somehow hurts my relationship with Mr. T or my mom? How will we make friends? Will we even make friends? Does moving back in with my mom mean I'm failing at life?
So many questions.
The other thing is obviously leaving NYC. I mean, I know that this is what we want. It's what I want. We are done with NYC. We are tired of it. We want to be closer to our families. And we've been planning for this. But in a little over a month I will no longer be a New Yorker. I will no longer live in a big city. So now that it's here. Now that it's real. It's the weirdest (and saddest) feeling in the world.
I will miss our little apartment in Brooklyn. There are so many memories in this place. Memories from before Mr. T and during Mr. T. We had so many firsts here. We first decided to be a couple in this apartment. It's where we first decided to get married. It's the first place where we lived together. So many parties with friends were had in this apartment. So many stupid fights about stupid things were had in this apartment. I broke my hands (not literally, but I did give myself carpal tunnel) putting up book shelves for his 994 books in this apartment. Which, oddly, is the first thing we took down and packed.
I am super excited for this change and, ultimately, I honestly believe it will be great for us. I'm excited to be closer to our families. We can see them more than twice a year. I can have dinner with my mom when I want to. We can go see Mr. T's family when we want to. We'll have an outdoor space. We won't have to deal with summer in NYC. We can help my mom with things. And it will give us a chance to save and prepare for our next (next) adventure.
And, at the end of the day, that's all what's important. But so much excitement and so much fear.
This next month is going to be a crazy whirlwind. I fear I don't have enough time to pack and do all the things I wanted to do in NYC before we leave. It also doesn't help that we'll be back in the Midwest for a week since Mr. T has a conference. But I am just going to focus on the positive. There are so many great things about this move. So many. It's exciting. And, as some people pointed out in my last post about this crazy move, it's an adventure. So I'm going to keep trying to apply all of those principles I talked about in my post about not knowing where we're moving to get me through it and just keep moving forward. I'm also going to start shopping for puppies. Because, a puppy you guys. A puppy!
Wish me luck. And sanity. And patience.