What I've Learned (so far) from Moving In With My Mom As a Married Lady
Moving is hard you guys. And I don't just mean physically hard, though it is. I also mean emotionally. It's exhausting. This is the first time that I moved with my significant other. And we moved from a city that we loved to live with my mom while we get settled back in the Midwest and can find a place of our own. So to say this move was difficult is a complete understatement. But, honestly, it didn't really go as bad as it could have. And, of course, I learned a few things along the way. So here's what I've learned (so far) from moving in with my mom as a married lady (I fully expect a few more posts like this as we navigate all of this).
Make time for each other
Mr. T and I have been out to dinner alone a few times. Though I still haven't been to Chipotle <GASP>. At first I felt guilty because I felt like we should be taking the time to unpack or spending it with my mom. But I realized it was super important for us to get out and have some time to be together and not unpack or hang things on the wall or organize or be around anyone else. Just be a couple.
Take some time alone to decompress
I openly admit that it's a little easier to bite my tongue around my mom than it is Mr. T. I am not sure if that's fair or how it's supposed to work, but I think it's just that Mr. T and I are more used to being in close quarters together. But I found that holding it in made me go off the handle when I was alone with Mr. T. That's not really fair to him or me because he shouldn't bear the brunt of all of my annoyances and I'm not really letting them out in a productive way. So, time alone needs to be a necessity. It can be taking the dog for a walk or taking a long shower. Just something where I can relax and realize that too much gets on my nerves and I need to chill the hell out
Worry about others, but don't totally forget about yourself
Have you ever settled your things into a home that's already settled? It's hard. Beyond hard. My mom was constantly putting things away to make room for our stuff and I just kept feeling guilty. So I was afraid to put anything away and it was just stressing me out. Then one day she told me to knock it off. She really doesn't care. She wants this to feel like home for us too and she wants us to be happy. After that I felt a lot better. And we worked together to get her place settled. (I worry about stupid crap too much)
Find the balance
Sometimes I want to sit and chat with my mom for hours (that's one thing that I adore about our relationship). Other times I want to be alone with Mr. T or I have to get going on my work schedule. But sometimes it's hard because I'm used to spending the entire day with my mom since I'm only visiting. So I'm working to establish more of a schedule so I have a good balance between mom time, work time, and married time.
Establish your own space
We're incredibly fortunate because my mom lives alone and has let us pretty much take over her house (thanks mom!). We have the basement set up like our living room. We have our own bedroom. And we have a room in the basement that's dedicated to my workspace. I know that this situation is unique. But I firmly believe that you have to try to establish some sort of space that feels like your own homey space. Maybe it's just a bedroom or a closet or something. But, trust me, it makes the transition that much easier.
Be honest (but be nice)
Yes, I might bite my tongue around my mom, but I am still honest about things like boundaries, budgets, and so on. And she's honest with me. You have to have open lines of communication otherwise living with each other will be a nightmare and it could damage your relationship.
Your mom will probably take your spouses side and never see his flaws
That's kind of the way it should be actually. Mr. T and I haven't really fought in front of my mom yet and I don't think she'd really get into it, but if there is ever a situation where a side needs to be taken -- like when they're both teasing me about my completely anal ways or if I'm complaining about Mr. T (not that I would ever do that or anything) -- my mom almost always sides with Mr. T. This is partially because I swear they are the same person. But it's also because that's her son-in-law. And, honestly, I don't think it would go over to well for either of them if she did side with me so it's probably a good thing.
Remember that you're all family and you all love each other
No elaboration necessary here.
Be grateful, respectful, & helpful
Family or not, no one has to let you move in with them. I am so grateful that my mom has a place that we can take over. A place that she doesn't mind sharing. And a place that she will let us be ourselves in. I like that I can be honest with my mom, but she's still my mom and this is still her home. I'm not a teenager anymore so I/we didn't move in to just eat Doritos and play video games all day. It's important to do some of the cooking, help out with the cleaning, and be sure that your mom doesn't curse the day that you decided to move back in with her.