Perhaps it's the sentimentality (that's a word, right?) of moving, but things are getting really deep on the blog. And, that's probably not a bad thing. After all, sometimes there's deep shit in life. Anyway, the other day I tweeted this:
That moment when you see a pic of an old friend on your #timehop and are reminded of all the fun you used to have.
Because that happened to me. And strangely it's the first time that I used the app where I felt like that.
It's weird, but looking at the picture that had been taken three years prior was really weird (sorry for using weird twice there, but damn it was). I looked so different. I mean, part of it was my hair, it was super short back then. And part of it was the fact that my stomach was a little less pudgy than it is now. But it was also just looking at myself. I seemed different. It was almost as if I was looking at a picture from 10 years ago.
Oh and I'm also no longer friends with one of the people in it. Which was weird. I remembered all of the good times we had and how close we were. Isn't it funny how some friendships are the best thing ever and then they're not?
Anyway. That picture really made me think. I AM different now. And I mean that in a totally good way. Some of it is because life. But a great portion of it is because I'm no longer single. Marriage changes you. I don't care what anyone says. It does. I mean, it shouldn't change who you are as a person. But it changes you.
And all of this was really hard for me to admit at first. Actually, it's still a little hard for me to admit as I sit here typing this. I was always the gal who said nothing would ever change if I ever got married. But now I realize how completely naive that was. I mean, really. How can your life not change?
My life no longer centers around me. It's not just about what I want. But it's about what we want. It's about what's best for us and our relationship. And that just changes every single decision that you make. It's two people working together towards something. Sometimes that's a huge struggle. But we usually figure it out.
It's made me see the world, my world, so much differently. I want different things now. My life is on a different path. This blog has changed. Friendships and other relationships have changed. I quit my job. I'm blogging full time and I opened my stationery store. I'm getting ready to move to the Midwest.
I have no idea if I would have done any of these things if I didn't marry Mr. T, but I can honestly tell you that it was all the furthest thing from my mind. Actually, I don't think I would have realized my love for all things stationery without planning our wedding. So there's a good chance the stationery store wouldn't have come to fruition at this time in my life.
Even my health has changed. I cook. Meals. Real meals. With real ingredients. My fridge is now full of yogurt and kale and I am totally OK with that. Kale you guys. And yogurt. Never in my life did I ever think I would be excited for yogurt to be on sale.
And it's not that I'm happier now than I was when I was single. Or that I'm having more fun now. I don't believe that marriage makes you or completes you. It's just that things are different. I'm different. And sometimes that's really scary. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too different. Or if I'm even supposed to change at all. Am I a married asshole now? Am I even doing this whole marriage thing right? Change is scary you guys.
But at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong here. I'm figuring things out. We're figuring things out. And as long as I'm happy (and Mr. T is happy) that's all that really matters. If the change gets to be too much, hopefully I'll recognize it and make some adjustments.
And maybe it's not necessarily that marriage is changing me, but more that it's bringing out a side of me that wasn't there because it didn't need to be before. You know, kind of like when you're in an extreme crisis and you become super woman. Not that I think marriage makes you super woman or anything. Though if Mr. T keeps forgetting things like putting a new thing of toilet paper on the roll when it's empty (you live with a girl now Mr. T. We ALWAYS need toilet paper) I might need to turn into some kind of super hero.