It's OK To Need A Man

Photo credit: Ed Schipul (Flickr) Allow me to rant on this lovely, rainy Wednesday morning.

I kind of get tired of seeing sayings and such about how strong women don’t need a man. And, frankly I find it annoying and mildly offensive.

I think it's in the way that people often use the word need when it comes to women and men. Like it’s somehow this tragic thing to need a man. Like you’ve sold your soul to the devil. Like you’re not a modern woman who can stand on her own two feet.

I'm a strong woman and I will openly admit that I need my husband. What’s so wrong with that?

There’s a different between being needy and needing someone. There’s also a different between being codependent and needing someone. Why do we always have to make needing into this negative thing? It doesn't have to mean that you can't stand on your own two feet.

I don't need my husband to support me. I can have my own job. I mean I say that even though I'm a freelancer who’s living off of his salary right now. So I guess I kind of do, but can we just ignore that for this article?

Anyway. Before I quit my job, I was actually the breadwinner thank you very much. And we had kind of always thought I’d be the one supporting us until he found a job in his field. And if need be, I am perfectly able to find a job and support myself (and my family).

I wouldn't die without a man. And I don’t die when Mr. T isn’t around. In fact we greatly value our time apart. If my marriage with Mr. T failed I would be heartbroken.  It would take time to heal and I wouldn't feel right for a while. But that’s more because I would miss being with him. I would miss us. But I would go on living. And if I never married again I would go on living. I also believe if I never married I would have gone on living.

But I still need him.

I need him because he's my partner. I need him to stop me from eating a whole pan of lemon bars in one sitting. He's the person I've chosen to I spend my life with. And he’s chosen to spend his with me. We've started to build a life together and will continue to do that. We make decisions about life, our life, together. I need him it do that. Without him I can't do that.

That doesn't make me a weak woman. That's just what marriage is. It's not OK to be codependent on a man (or any other human being for that matter). It's not OK to not be able to handle your own shit. But it's OK to need a man.