I Don’t Believe in Radical Honesty
The other day I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I noticed an article about radical honesty from Your Tango. I was pretty curious about it so I immediately clicked on it. At first, as I was reading the article, I felt like I could totally relate -- honesty is something that Mr. T and I both really value. But as I read further I found myself a little annoyed.
The author talks about how she practices a little something she calls radical honesty with her husband. Basically it's the idea that they are honest about everything. From who he thinks is hot to what ex contacts her to whatever. She shares that the idea was stemmed from a previous relationship with a person who was dishonest. And then goes on to how she struggled with radical honesty at first and didn't tell her current husband that she was meeting an ex.
Seriously. Put this in the list of things I don't understand. Now, there's obviously some trust issues there, but I am not about to judge this woman's relationship because that's not my issue or the point I am making. I'm sure I'll say you a whole lot in this post, but it's not talking directly to the author, it’s just me working through this whole idea. I really just don't get this whole "radical honesty" thing.
Let’s take a look shall we.
Why are we giving this some dramatic term like radical honesty? Isn't it just honesty? Call me crazy, I think you should be honest with your significant other if an ex contacts you or if you're meeting up with one of them. There are some things that you should just know to tell one another without some pact.
Which brings me to my next point -- is it really that common to be contacted by an ex anyway? I mean, I know it happens, but I guess I don’t feel like I would be compelled to secretly meet up with one. I think if we were on the meet for coffee and catch up kind of terms that I would want to bring Mr. T.
I firmly believe there are things you just don't need to know. And it's not dishonest. I don't need to know if Mr. T thinks a chick is hot or glances at the rack or behind of another gal while we are walking to the grocery store. He's human. I know there are other women that are attractive just like there are other men that are attractive. But I don't need him pointing them all out to me. That's just weird and almost a little disrespectful.
If someone really wants to lie, a pact of radical honesty isn't going to stop them. Let's all be honest here, lying is a choice. Sometimes we do it because we genuinely feel it’s the right things to do. Sometimes we do it because it doesn’t matter all that much. Sometimes we do it because we are afraid. Whatever the reason is, we choose to lie. So how is a pact really going to stop a person from lying in a situation where they truly feel it's best?
And, even if a pact does stop them, do you really want that to be the sole reason your significant other is being honest with you?
So, the bottom line is, I don’t really think I believe this whole radical honesty thing. I just believe in good old fashioned honesty. I think that’s important in any relationship where you love and respect one another.
Mr. T and I are honest with each other. We never had a conversation about it or had to walk each other through the steps. We just are. And I'm not saying our relationship is perfect by any means, but we don't need some pact to tell each other things that the other should know.
And how do I know he's being honest with me? Well, I guess I don't. I mean, I don't have any solid, concrete proof that he is. But I feel I know cause I believe he is and that belief is centered around the faith and trust I have in him and in our relationship.
What do you think about radical honesty?