We just finished week 8.
And I actually gained a pound. I'm trying super hard to not worry about it. I knew it would happen. And I also know that one pound doesn't really matter. There's so many reasons for that pound.
But damn it, I wanted to lose. It's like getting a bad comment or review on my shop. You know it's going to happen eventually, but when it does it stings.
This past weekend was pretty hard. We've hit the two month mark of no junk food, St. Joe's homecoming was on Saturday, and Mr. T's dad came to visit for the first time.
Translation? So many opportunities to eat all of the junk.
We had dinner out on Friday and split a piece of pie. Saturday morning we had donuts. Saturday afternoon we had some nachos at the game. And then Saturday night we made some pizza (which isn't really all that strange).
And, honestly, I was feeling it. I mean I didn't feel bad physically, I just felt like a big fat pig. I felt terrible about myself. I felt like I was cheating or going off the rails or I don't even know.
I feel a lot better today, but it made me realize that I still have more work to do with my relationship with food.
I want to be healthy. I want to eat healthy. I want to make better decisions. I want to live a healthy life. But I also don't want to feel like the devil if I happen to get off course a little.
In a lot of situations, I can make it super easy for myself. I can stock our fridge and pantry full of yummy, healthy foods. I can find a way to make treats healthier. But unless I'm going to be a hermit, there are going to be times where I'll be in situations where I can't be the best I want to be. There will also be times where I don't want to be the best I can be. So I need to learn how to make the best decisions I can no matter what situation I'm in. And I also need to learn when it's OK to indulge a little.
I knew this was going to be the hardest part. It sounds really weird, but I think it's easier to just avoid the crap. Just don't buy it. Just don't go out to eat. Just don't think about it.
But that's not sustainable and that's not a life that I want to live. I want to be able to make good decisions. I want to be able to indulge a little if someone comes to visit or if it's my birthday or a holiday. Having a half a piece of pie or a donut is not the same thing as eating a whole pie or a whole bag of candy.
And if I have a day or a weekend or a whatever when I do indulge a little, I can get back on track the next day. I can even work out a little harder or eat a little healthier to make up for it.
And as long as I'm not indulging every day or indulging in a dozen donuts, it's OK. No, really it totally is. So I shouldn't feel guilty.
And, for the love of everything, can I please cut myself a little slack and remember how far I have come? Before I would have had my own order of nachos. And several donuts. And a whole piece of pie. And some crappy entrée like a burger.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm a work in progress. And I'm totally doing this.