Healthy Life Journal: Week 4

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I'm down 19 pounds, you guys. We've finished week 4. That means we're going into week 5. One whole month of doing this thing. I kind of can't believe it.

I can feel it. Like really feel it in my bones. My clothes look so different. I look so different when I look in the mirror. I feel so different when I look in the mirror. I find I'm way less critical of myself. I don't know if I can say that I LOVE myself. Partially because I'm smart enough to know that's a much bigger battle. One that I won't likely win in only four weeks. But I at least like myself and I feel positive that I will love myself.

I guess you could say we're kind of dating. We're in that fresh, new stage. Where everything feels pretty and shiny and new and awesome. There's a lot of infatuation, but it's not the real deal just yet.

When I think about the future, I can't even imagine what I'll look like. What will itfeel like to be 50 or 100 pounds lighter? I don't even know. I try to think about it with excitement, but not let it get me too overwhelmed.

As excited and proud as I am, I had a few moments last week where I felt a little off. Frustrated. Something.

I felt like I wasn't losing enough actual pounds. It made me feel super down about everything. Like maybe I wasn't working hard enough or something.

I know that's all a part of losing weight and that the number on the scale is the hardest to move. I knew that would be the hardest part about all of this. I mean, it’s the reason that I stopped weighing myself to begin with. But knowing that and actually convincing myself of that seem to be two separate things.

I'm trying really hard not to focus on the number on the scale. Because, honestly, it's not about that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to lose weight. But if that's all I wanted, I could do things to drop some pounds. I want more than that. I want to be healthy, to feel healthy, and to take care of my body. I also want to make changes that are realistic and that k can apply long term. I don't want to fall of the wagon a year from now.

Also, I don't want to lose sight of how well I'm actually doing. How well we're both doing. I'm super proud of Mr. T and I.

And can we just talk about that?

We survived our first family get together. My brother's wedding ceremony. There was cake and I was super nervous about eating any, but I really wanted to join in the celebration. So we split a small piece.

Side note: I felt really great at my bros wedding. I wore a dress and it fit and small heels. And I don’t know. I just felt pretty. For the first time in a long time.

We also totally worked ourselves out of what could have been a huge issue. The football home opener for Mr. T's school was Saturday. It was at noon. And about 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave, I realized we hadn't thought about snacks. Then I realized we hadn't thought about lunch. The stadium has a small concession with hot dogs, chips, and candy. So not a lot of great options for people swearing off junk food at the moment (and people who aren't eating meat).

And just when we thought we might have to cave, we figured out that we could pack a few snacks. They tied us over while at the game and then we came home and made buffalo cauliflower and monster grilled cheeses. And ate a ton of fruit.

We were so tired and sun burned and normally we would have went to Dairy Queen on the way home and loaded up with Blizzards and crap. But this time we didn't. We went home and made food. Even though we were tired, starving, and sore from the sun. We made food. We made good food. If that isn't progress, I don't know what is.

Football kicked off and it was a holiday weekend, but I don't feel like I missed out by not eating the usual crap. Honestly, I ate like a pig this weekend, but it was good food. Food that's good for me. It's so different, you guys.

We've also decided to have some goals and rewards. Which is something I really wanted to do. I want to celebrate some of our victories.

It took us a while to decide on what we wanted to do. We didn't want to focus on weights because 1.) this isn't just about that and 2.) we'll hit goals at different times. We want this to be something that encourages us.

So we decided on this:

1 week of hitting our step goal + working out = a $10 at our local thrift store.

1 month of hitting our step goal + working out = a manicure & pedicure.

Then we'll add 100 steps and a walk. Then repeat the same rewards. Then add 100 more and so on.

Once we’ve done each of those goals three times we get a tattoo.

Then we'll reassess and likely have some different rewards and/or goals.

I like this because I feel like it motivates me to get my steps. It also challenges me. And it will help me to keep challenging myself.

I'm excited about this week. I feel good. I'm happy. I'm doing this. And people are noticing. Several people have said they could see it in my face. In my FACE, you guys.