Healthy Life Journal: Week 1

The first pair of actual gym/fitness type shoes I've had in a VERY long time.

The first pair of actual gym/fitness type shoes I've had in a VERY long time.

So week 1 of my new healthy life is officially done.

I think this week was both the hardest and the best. I mean, I assume since I'm only one week in and I have nothing to compare it to.

I felt better than I've felt in a long time. I wasn’t nearly as tired. I felt more energetic. I had way less heart burn. I slept better. And, I know it's really weird to say, but I felt lighter. I also felt calmer (at times) and I think that's because I felt so much more in control of things.

I've started to realize so much about my eating habits. I had no idea how much crap I was putting into my body, you guys. I actually thought I was being kind of good. I could not have been more wrong.

Mr. T and I have been using this app called Fooducate (I'll talk more about that later). And it's shown me so much about what's really in food. And holy crap, stuff is bad for you. I found out that my former Chipotle meal had around 1400 calories or something like that. And basically all of Potbelly's is off limits.

And it's not just calories and fat, but so much processed crap that I just don't want to eat.

While I like this knowledge and am so excited to learn even more, I've also found it a bit of a struggle. Since we're cutting way back on meat I don't have a ton of stand by recipes. And, since I used Foodcuate to clean out our fridge, I don't have my usual go to sauces and seasonings.

I've also started to measure a lot more things because I learned that it's not just about cutting out junk. There's still fat in healthy food too. And I know I need fat, but I also know there's a line between the fat I need and blowing my diet. And if I get to blow my diet I want pizza and donuts and bacon. Not peanut butter toast, y'all.

Everything is new to me or at least it feels new to me and I'd be lying if I said everything was easy and this week went off without a hitch.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were pretty good. But then Thursday. THURSDAY. I just lost it. I have no idea why. Nothing seemed to feel right. I was cranky. Everything Mr. T did annoyed the crap out of me. I felt like crap. I felt like I was crap. I felt like I just couldn't do this.

After three (million) melt downs and a couple of stupid fights, Mr. T convinced me to calm the F down. And reminded me to take things day by day.

And he's right. I think I'm just so scared of all of this. Scared of so many things.

I'm scared I won't lose enough.

I'm scared I won't feel the results.

I'm scared I'll give up.

I'm scare it will be too hard.

I'm scared. I won't be able to enjoy myself while socializing or at family functions.

I'm scared people won't understand.

I'm scared people will make fun of me.

I'm scared I can't do this.

There's a lot at stake here. There's a lot that's changing and a lot to think about. And there's too much information about what's right and what's wrong.

To say I'm overwhelmed would be an understatement.

So I'm trying really hard to remind myself that everything is going to be OK. And the reasons why I'm doing this -- to be healthy, to feel better, to live better. I know it's going to be hard. If it was easy I would have done it a long time ago. But once I adjust, once my body adjusts, it will be easier. And it's so worth it in the long run.

I'm also trying to cut myself a little slack. This is all a learning process which is something I'm not good at. I just want to know everything and get everything right immediately. I want things to be perfect. But perfection isn't an attainable goal and I'm going to make mistakes.

The week ended on a high note, though, because I lost some pounds. Woo! And I am super proud of myself for sticking with it even though it was hard. I had no junk food. I made my steps almost every day. And I was active.

This week we're going to work on trying some more protein heavy snacks so I don't get as hangry and Mr. T is putting together a good little workout plan for us.

I know I can do it again this week so I'm pushing forward and reminding myself to take it one day at a time.

Though dear lord, please help me tonight because we have an event for Mr. T's work and it's catered by a Mexican place we like. Give me strength to not eat my weight in tacos. Or queso dip.