My Very First I Really Miss NYC Moment

So the other day I had my very first I really miss NYC moment. Actually I had a huge I miss NYC day. And, honestly, I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I had to drive 45 minutes to get to the damn grocery store and no one can drive on I-65. In New York, I didn't have to drive anywhere.

Maybe it's because I spilled beer in the Meijer parking lot. Two beers to be exact. They rolled out of my cart and fell to the ground with a very loud smashing sound. They took my canola oil with them. Which means it then smelled like beer. Which means I smelled like beer after picking it up. And literally five people said something of the >OMG< variety to me. In New York, you can spill your beer without anyone noticing or talking to you. New Yorkers don't talk to strangers. Ever.

Maybe it was because my credit card was declined in the middle of the checkout line with three people standing behind me waiting. I'm not sure how this would be different in NYC, but it just didn’t help.

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But I found myself feeling a little guilty about it. I think mostly because I wasn't really sure why I was missing New York and it kind of scared me. I mean, does missing that place mean something about my life here or something?

And then I did think for a bit about how crazy it was that I'm back here in Indiana. Living a life where my husband pretty much supports us (well, me) financially.

When I left Indiana for Chicago when I was 25, I thought I would never look back. I mean, I knew I'd come back for visits with family and such. But I never imagined living here again. I was sold on the city and really anywhere but Indiana. And when I moved to NYC that feeling was solidified.

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I also never thought I'd depend on a man financially. I had a job. A great job. A job that I was going to make into my career.

And now, here I am, living in Indiana with (technically) no job. If you'd told 25-year-old Jess this she would have laughed in your face.  Because, you know, 25-year-old Jess had all her shit figured out (Please sense sarcasm there. Lots of it.)

But then I realized that I am happy. My life is different now. It's changed a lot. For the better. And I shouldn't feel weird about that just because that's not what 25-year-old Jess would have wanted. The truth is, 25-year-old-Jess can laugh all she wants. 25-year-old-Jess wasn't as happy as 35-year-old-Jess is. She didn't feel as content and at peace with who she is and where she is.

And, the truth (also) is that I will probably always miss NYC. It has a piece of my heart. It was always my dream and I was able to live it, if even for a short while. And I have so many amazing memories and experiences from living there. NYC is magical. There's no denying it. It's where I met my husband. And where I found myself. It was something that I needed to experience.

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But I am definitely in the right place. For me. For my husband. For our little family.

So, in the spirit of feeling grateful for where my life is and where it's going, here are some things to think about (along with all of my other reasons for leaving NYC) the next time I miss NYC:

Sure people are all up in your biz here, but you could probably get murdered in NYC and people would walk right by you as it's happening. In the Midwest people volunteer to go get someone to help you clean up your spilled beer.

I hate driving, but at least I don't have to take the subway for 45 minutes to go 3 freaking miles. And then carry everything home on the subway or take a cab. And lug everything up a flight of stairs.

Maybe there's not a bar on every corner, but I can actually afford to drink here.

We can have a pet, a real pet that we picked out and purchased. Not the rats, mice, or roaches. (And I love that little puppy so much!)

There might not be a lot of action, but I can wear any shoes I want when I go to plays and bball games on Mr. T's campus. I can also wear sandals all summer and not have to wash my feet (or be afraid I came in contact with some strange disease).

There might not be Broadway, but dinner and a show only costs $30 including pie!