I Compare My Relationship to Others (And It's Bad)
I have a confession to make. I compare my relationship to other relationships. I don't really mean to do it. Actually, to be technical, sometimes I don't even realize that I'm doing it. And it's not out of envy or anything like that. It's more that this is uncharted territory for me. I've never been engaged or lived with a significant other before. I don’t know how things are supposed to go here. Also, let's face it. When you've had your own share of failed relationships and seen how others have failed, it makes you aware of relationship epic failure (or failureness if that's a word. I'm sure it’s not). So it just seems logical to start comparing your relationship to others. Others you've had. Others other people currently have or have had. Whatever.
I guess I always thought it was coming from a good place. You know, to make my relationship stronger. To make sure it was good. The best it can be. To make sure it didn't travel down the horrible, awful path of misery and hate.
But what I've realized is that couldn't be farther from the truth. Honestly, no good comes from comparing your relationship to others. No good at all. And it doesn't matter one bit where it's coming from.
What actually results is that you create a whole lot of chaos. You see problems that aren't there. You stress out over things that don't matter. You get way too wrapped up in all the should have, could have, and would haves.
And that's exactly what I've been doing.
Instead of focusing on my relationship and what it is, I'm worrying about whatever it "should" be. How it "should" go. What things are "supposed" to be like as an almost married couple. I', too caught up in making things all pretty, perfect, and shiny that I'm not taking my relationship for what it is -- something wonderful.
Which means I'm totally missing out (and I'm also an idiot). Because, honestly, my relationship is great. It's by no means perfect. It's hard sometimes and there are struggles. But it's pretty awesome and, at the end of the day, there is no one else that I would want to annoy the crap out of me other than Mr. T.
There are no shoulds in a relationship. Mr. T and I make the rules. We decide how things go in our relationship. And maybe things won't look like any other relationship I know or be perfect by anyone else's standards, but that doesn’t matter. As long as we're happy. As long as it's something we both want. That's what matters. That's how a relationship should go.