Change Is Scary

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Four years ago, I was a single gal in Chicago. I loved to write and had some crazy stories so I decided to submit my stuff to ChicagoNow. Apparently, they thought I had something because they offered me a spot to blog on their website about my life as a single lady. My blog, cleverly called All The Single Ladies, became pretty popular. I actually beat out Beyonce on Google. Not that I am trying to brag, but it’s quite an accomplishment and I’m proud of that. I loved that blog. I loved the stories. I loved the advice. I loved the people I met. I loved what it became.

Side note: I moved my blog to my own site and called it Not What I Ordered, but it was still the same blog to me.

Two years later, I decided to make the move to New York City. It had always been my dream and I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided it was time to try. It was the most selfish thing I have ever done in my life, but also the smartest thing. Here I have found confidence. I see myself differently. I have become stronger (career wise and personally) and also met some very amazing people (including the man I will marry in a little less than a year).

And now I sit here almost exactly four years from the day I started that blog. It’s almost a little overwhelming when I think about the past four years. I’ve had good times and bad times. Even had a few challenges and been knocked around a few times. I’m truly amazed at it all. I seriously tried to put it into words, but I couldn’t. And if you know me, that’s pretty amazing. I can put anything into words.

But as amazed as I am, I have to admit that sometimes I really miss that old blog. This new blog has been a bit of a struggle. Honestly, writing about dating was easier. Telling my funny stories about the latest crazy who texted something outrageous or the guy who touched my boobs and left was just plain easier. I wasn’t so emotionally attached or protective of those kind of things (damn me for not thinking of a pen name!).

And, let’s all be honest here, y’all just really love reading about that stuff (OK, maybe I do too). People Google the crap out of things like crazy OkCupid dating stories and what to do on a first date. It was just easier.

But as I sit here moaning about how it was easier, I realize that I struggled the exact same way when I first started blogging about dating. I was afraid to be brutally honest or make it seem like I was making fun of someone. It took a long time and many conversations with bloggers to get me to let loose and really develop my voice as a blogger.

I forgot what it was like to start a blog. To be a newbie. And even though technically I’m not, I kind of am. This is all a new thing for me. It’s so easy to compare this blog with the old one, but they are not the same thing at all. And it’s a little scarier than I thought.

There is a quote that I love. It’s something that I live by. It’s what helps me to have the courage to do most of the things I’ve done.

“The way I see it, I can either cross the street, or I can keep waiting for another few years of green lights to go by.” Camryn Manheim

I don’t think I’ve let myself fully cross over into being a lifestyle blogger. It’s one thing to say that you’re one, but it’s a totally different thing to feel it. I am currently in one of the biggest changes of my life and there are lots of people out there who have experienced it, are experiencing it, or will experience it. I shouldn’t be afraid to share all that’s happening just because it’s different than what I’ve been writing about. I need to embrace it.

And maybe I won’t be the same blogger when I’m talking about picking wedding centerpieces or adjusting to life as a we. But that’s OK. I don’t have to be. My life has changed. I’ve changed. Why shouldn’t my blog too?

All The Single Ladies and Not What I Ordered will always be a part of my life (I have the tattoo on my finger to prove it), but it’s time to let go. After all, that’s why I started a whole new blog.

Change is scary no matter what kind it is or where it’s coming from. But don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it. Be open. Do what scares you. And give it all you’ve got.