Becoming a We
A few weeks ago I was talking to my sister and I told her we (meaning Mr. T and I) bought a couch. She responded with “Love how you say ‘we’. You are a part of a ‘we’ now!” and I kind of sat and thought about it for a moment. I have started using the word we a lot lately. Not that it’s a bad thing. In fact, it’s good and it’s perfectly normal when you’re engaged. I just never really thought about it; it just started happening naturally.
I can remember when I stopped referring to Mr. T as “new guy” and started calling him by his name. It’s that moment when you start referring to a guy as his actual name and everyone knows who you’re talking about. It’s that moment when you no longer have “the lawyer” or “the professor” or “the new guy”. But you have one single guy and you can say his name without people asking you to clarify which one he is.
Now, using “we” is kind of the same thing. When I say “we bought a couch” everyone knows that I am referring to Mr. T and me. No one ask any questions at all. No one thinks I am talking about a friend or anyone else. They know it’s Mr. T.
People ask what we’re doing on Saturday afternoon or if we have any plans for Thursday night. Mr. T and I talk about what we’re doing for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Sometimes he comes home and asks if we’re doing anything the following night because one of his friends wants to get together. We’re also in the process of moving in together (I will talk more about that later). So that means merging things and figuring out how we want our place to look and feel.
I’m officially part of a we and everything revolves around that now. Life is no longer about what I want or what’s best for me, it’s what works for us.
I thought this would be the scary part. I thought this would be harder. I thought I would lose my identity or change who I am. This was the part that always made me unsure if I could ever be with someone like this.
Don't get me wrong here; I'm not saying it's been all smooth sailing. We've had our difficulties. There have been fights and challenges. And we've had to make some difficult decisions. Some of it's been scary and confusing. But ultimately this whole we thing hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought.
And that's the thing -- when you’re with the right person, you don’t have to lose yourself to be with them. The right person lets you be you and gives you room to grow. They help you out along the way.
And, when you’re with the right person, it doesn’t feel like pressure or like it’s being forced on you. It all feels natural and exciting because you’re starting something new. You’ll be excited to build your life together.
So if you're like me and totally afraid of becoming a we try not to be; especially if you find this fear is sabotaging the potential. And, if you find that's the case (that is, that the fear is sabotaging things) keep in mind that you shouldn't feel like you're losing yourself or like you're giving up everything. If it does it might be less about fear and more that you're just not with the right person.