An Open Letter to the Makers of Dunkin' Donuts Commercials

attachment-528e6785e4b036f36b31896d Remember my open letter to the makers of Special K commercials? Well, I would also like to write a similar one to the makers of Dunkin’ Donuts commercials in regards to the one I’ve seen 994 times about their new spicy sausage sandwich thing.

If you’re not familiar with the commercial just watch TV for a few minutes and I’m sure you’ll see it (or you can check it out below).

Dear Makers of Dunkin’ Donuts Commercials,

Pardon me for not addressing you by name, but I am not sure what your name is or who is responsible so I figured if I addressed you as a whole then I have my bases covered.

First, let me say that I love your products. I was so excited to see the peppermint mocha K-cups the other day that I nearly hugged the guy behind the register. (He may have freaked out a bit). And, while I am sometimes sad about the selection, you make one mean munchkin. I know you probably aren’t in charge of this, but maybe you can pass it along.

Second, and more importantly, I’d like to chat with you a bit about your commercials.

I understand that you want to be cute and clever. Really, I do. I, myself, strive to be cute and clever every day. However, we all fail at that sometimes. Even I do.

Your commercial about your new spicy sausage sandwich thing is a perfect example of cute and clever gone bad. Pairing a man who is a pushover with a woman who is bossy and clearly wears the pants. Groundbreaking. Really. I mean, where in the world did you come up with such an idea?

I will let you in on a little secret (I'm just that nice) – it’s 2013. That whole thing is so last year. And, pardon me for speaking for the general public, but I think we all think it's dated and tired. We'd like to see something that's new and fresh. Ya know, something that hasn't been done 14, 089 times before.

Furthermore, I’d really like to understand where you get your inspiration from. I’d love to be invited to the ol’ idea factory and see how it all goes down. I mean, did some dude actually stand up in the meeting and present this idea and all of you, as a collective group, thought “by garsh, we’ve finally got it!”? Did someone see this happen in a Dunkin’? Who thinks this stuff up.

Let’s all just be honest here. No self-respecting man is going to just look the other way when his girlfriend (or wife or what have you) is behaving in that sort of manner. And, no self-respecting woman is actually going to think that her boyfriend is calling the woman behind the register spicy let alone make a huge scene out of it.

Really, the commercial just defies the basics of logic. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Who is this gal and what does she know about advertising? Well. Really nothing. That’s not my profession. But I am a consumer and let me assure you, that commercial doesn’t make me interested in your product (even if you show it 95,674 times during the Bengals game). If you're going to lack creativity and awesomeness, why don't you just show a dude or a lady scarfing it down. Then I’d want to see what it’s all about.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Sincerely,

Jess Downey